Even The Dude might not abide

It was Thanksgiving this week and Israel doesn’t do Thanksgiving, so we Americans do what we can for ourselves. My family tradition is to go around the table saying what we’re thankful for and I have to admit, my thankfulness was clouded by the annoying week I had. In general, I have a lot of blessings and I’m truly thankful, but this post is a little bit of a rant.

 

Black Friday

For some reason, Israel has really embraced Black Friday. It’s especially weird since Thanksgiving is not a national holiday and “the day after Thanksgiving to kick off the Christmas shopping season” doesn’t exist. It’s not a kickoff for Chanukah shopping either – just to be clear. I’m mostly annoyed because if you are going to take something “Christmassy” from America, why would you take greedy materialism? It’s not even balanced by popularizing How the Grinch Stole Christmas or A Christmas Carol. There are no friends and family values as we find in It’s a Wonderful Life.

The weirdest part of Black Friday is that this year it’s mostly written in English. There were ads a year or two ago that gave us shishi shachor the literal translation into Hebrew of Black Friday. Since no one knew exactly what that meant, they switched to English so that everyone would understand it’s a big sale weekend (just like in America!). And because there is no Thanksgiving, Black Friday is a week long. Because that makes sense.

black fridayTraditional. Nothing says Black Friday like balloons.

Black friday 2

Because blue is so much more festive.

Pink Friday 2

Guess what’s for sale? Make-up and beauty products. I’m not convinced this is better.

Bowling league

I was channeling Walter at the bowling alley at the work league match this week. I’m not a great bowler, but I do enjoy it and usually the games are fun. Not everyone is Walter-serious about the matches, but the other offices participate with good sportsmanship and a sense of camaraderie among all the players.

This week we were playing against the municipality. That was probably the first strike against them. No one likes the municipality in real life, so we aren’t going to change our opinions even if it is a league game.

Their team was a rooster surrounded by hens – one was a grandmother who thought it was a good idea to bring her grandson, surely he could bowl a few turns, right?

I should mention here that bowling in Israel would horrify even The Dude. You don’t have to rent shoes; we just play in sneakers. No one follows any bowler etiquette. Thankfully the scoring is automated, otherwise who knows what would happen.

Some players are new to bowling, but obviously these people have had no guidance at all. These hens picked up a ball using their thumb, index finger, and second finger; walked up to the foul line (often over the line); started swinging the ball (and-a one, and-a two, and-a three); let go with no follow-through causing the ball to plonk on the lane and miraculously roll its way toward the pins. The worst part was that it worked sometimes – usually when I was looking. (I did manage to calm myself down by looking at their total scores; they weren’t that successful.)

I confirmed that the unusual hold is used in bowling, but it’s not standard. The swing and plonk method is ridiculous. I tried to be an example using the 4-step release, and they even noticed, but somehow didn’t realize that their bowling style was the equivalent of toddlers who need gutter-guards.

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Correct form

One might forgive the lack of skill and knowledge, but to top it off they were rude bowlers. They were constantly in the way. They took over all the chairs with themselves and their stuff – they had more than 4 people on their team, to allow them to switch out in different games (which is legal), but they didn’t care that there was another team there.

But worst of all was the attitude that they couldn’t understand why we were annoyed. It’s like the bully in the schoolyard who pushes you to your limit and then says, “Why are you getting so upset?”

At this point, even The Dude can’t smooth it over by saying, “It’s just a game, man.”

I wanted to show the Walter “over the line” video, but it had too many f-bombs in it and I don’t want to encourage threats of gun violence. Better the dulcet tones of The Stranger reminding us to take ‘er easy while we sip a White Russian with The Dude.

Israel is not the 51st state

Sure, there’s turkey and fixings for Thanksgiving (Chag HaHodaya – Hebrew for Holiday of Thanks), there’s bowling and everyone knows about The Big Lebowski, and it was just announced that the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade floats are coming to Jerusalem for the first night of Chanukah. But no matter how American Israel might think it is, it’s still in the Middle East.

A little rant

Call me Grumpypants.

grumpypants

I’m annoyed this week.  Lots of things annoyed me this week. Here’s just one.

Black Friday

Did you know that Black Friday and Cyber Monday are now international holidays? I wrote last year about Israeli ads touting sales for Black Friday.  This year, I saw that there were Black Friday sales in Germany and Black Friday/Cyber Monday sales on my Korean beauty products websites.

black friday

Not an endorsement, just a good image of Black Friday in Hebrew

Cyber monday

Cyber Monday sale is still on!

Now to be fair, Israel, Germany, and Korea don’t celebrate in the traditional way by rolling out of bed at 3am to beat down the doors of stores in order to buy the latest, most popular doohickey.  Moreover, they don’t even have the preliminary turkey feast to prepare for the onslaught.  It’s just a regular Friday and Monday (sales extended through the week!) to sell stuff.

black friday germany

GORUCK-Black-Friday-Week-Banner

2 images I found on the internet, above Germany and below from India

What I wish had been exported from the US was the idea that there is a holiday to celebrate gratitude. But unfortunately, that idea exists in a fantasy world with unicorns and Care Bears.

Turkey day

In the real world, Thanksgiving – also known as Turkey Day – is squeezed in between the sugar-fueled, scary/sexy cosplay festival of begging your neighbors for handouts and the colorful, tree-killing, shopping extravaganza pushing everyone deeper into debt and destroying any chance of clutter-clearing.

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Image from my personal copy of How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
It came without packages, boxes or bags! …
Maybe Christmas … doesn’t come from a store.

I’m glad Dr. Seuss isn’t around to see this. He would be so disappointed in us.

Or the video, if you prefer.

‘Tis the Season to Deck the Halls – or Not

This year Christmas and Chanukah are at the same time!

Christmas in Israel is not really a thing.

Is everything wrapped in green, red, silver. and gold?  Nope.

Are the streets festooned with lights of every color? Nope.

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Ben Yehuda/ Zion Square.  No festooned lights, but a giant Chabad menorah

Is there a Santa booth so that parents can take pictures of their usually crying and nervous children asking for things for Christmas? Nope.

Christmas carols while shopping?  I was out today and didn’t hear a single one, so Nope.  Youtube is a good source of American Jews adding their voices to Chanukah culture.  This year’s Maccabeats offering is an homage to Hamilton.

Maccabeats – Hasmonean: A Hamilton Chanukah

(*Note to email readers: This post has a lot of pictures and video links that don’t seem to show up in the email. So come to the site to see the videos.)

Christmas cookies, Christmas fudge, gingerbread, fruit cake?  Nope, nope, nope, and thankfully nope.  We have donuts.

donuts

These are the fancy ones.  There are also yucky, I mean, plain, old-fashioned, jam-filled ones. Source

Christmas trees?  N . . .  well, I did find one at the, ahem, cough, YMCA, of course.

Are the television channels playing every snow-themed, Christmas-y movie or show ever made?  Nope.

Frosty? Nope.

Rudolph? Nope.

A Christmas Carol – any of the many versions? Nope.

It’s a Wonderful Life? Well, I like that one so I try to watch it.  I have the DVD.

The Grinch? Nope.

Well, what do you have?  Apparently, Israel decided to take on Black Friday, Even though Israel doesn’t have Thanksgiving or Christmas, advertisers decided to cash in on the shopping frenzy of December.

black-friday-2
Advertisement that I got in my email – Black Friday is spelled in Hebrew בלאק פריידי, and pronounced “black friday.” They didn’t translate it, they transliterated it.

At first I laughed because there is simply no connection to the Friday after the fourth Thursday of November in a country that doesn’t have a Christmas shopping season.  But then I was sad.  Of all the Christmas traditions to borrow, why that one?  When did Christmas become about greed?

Dr. Seuss, one of the great philosophers of our time, reminds us with How the Grinch Stole Christmas that Christmas cannot be bought in a store.  It’s not about the STUFF.  It’s about things that money doesn’t buy like:

Being with Loved Ones

Generosity of Spirit

Gratitude

Joy

Israel, in spite of the Black Friday blight, is a lot like Who-ville.  The Grinch doesn’t need to come and take all the stuff that we don’t have – the ribbons, bows, presents, trees, roast beast, etc.  What he can’t take away is lighting the candles together with friends and family. Singing songs of freedom.  Telling and retelling the stories of our forefathers standing up for their beliefs (ok, also the miracle of the oil).  I might even go so far as to say that Israel might have a little bit more Christmas spirit than other places that have replaced Christmas with greed.

Let your heart grow three sizes today and have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Chanukah, and Joyous Solstice!

The Grinch’s heart grows three sizes.


I’m a big fan of the Maccabeats, so here’s a list of their Chanukah songs in no particular order.  Start a new a Capella Chanukah tradition!

Maccabeats Shine (original song)

Maccabeats Candlelight

Maccabeats Miracle

Maccabeats  Burn

StandFour (Maccabeats) 8 Nights

Maccabeats All About the Neis